by Rachel Virk
First, you need to see a lawyer. Your friend or sibling who went through a divorce, your uncle who is a non-family law attorney in another state, your friend or family member who worked or works in a law office, your hairdresser, your mechanic, and your colleague, are not the best sources for information.
The settlement you will sign off on, or the Court Order you will obtain through litigation, will probably be the most important legal document to affect your life. You will be making on your own, or receiving from a judge, decisions as to your children, your retirement, your house, child support, alimony, and debt. Make sure you do it right, whether through litigation or settlement with attorneys, or through alternative dispute resolution such as mediation or collaboration.
Once you are informed as to your options, and as to whether or not your goals are realistic, it is time to Make a Plan. Your own plan. Do not just react to how your spouse treats you on a day-to-day basis, or let him or her dictate the shape of your new life. Emotional roller coasters are no fun to ride.
If you want to give a huge amount of your hard-earned money to lawyers, and if you want to create possible difficulties for yourself in court, you may want to or you may need to implement a nuclear, high conflict plan.
But if you and your spouse can work together, another option would be to discuss the possibility of mediation, or collaborative divorce, where each of you, with your own attorneys, can protect your individual interests, and resolve all of the issues regarding the dissolution of your marriage without either one of you making threats, or trying to grab more of the marbles.
No matter which plan you think may be best, be sure to get input from at least one attorney, before you start skipping down a road which may lead you right off of a cliff. The direction in which you initially head will play a huge part in where you will eventually wind up.
1. LITIGATION
Two rational, intelligent, emotionally healthy people getting a divorce, wouldn’t want to let the Court make all of the important decisions about their new, separated lives. Litigation is expensive. Attorney’s fees can be around $400.00 per hour, and billable in 15 minute increments. That means that for your attorney to read a one page correspondence from the other attorney, and to mail a copy to you, you are paying that attorney $100.00, plus postage and copy paper. That is actual money no longer in your pocket. A contested fully litigated divorce case can cost you near $50,000.00. Or double that. Each. Why would you spend your children’s college money, your retirement, or your home equity, to fight with your spouse in court? Wouldn’t you rather take a cruise first class?
Here are some truths about litigation: